quick little comic about how to win my hearrrttttt

I had a few other options (such as defeat me in mortal combat) but i got angry at how ugly they were drawn so i narrowed it down to these three vital options.

FUCKING HORSES! what is up with them? Why are some of them so TEENIE?!?! Why do I WANT TO RIDE ONE SO MUCH?! Why are they so dumb looking?! Is that their most attractive feature? YES? YES.

Edit half hour later:

i made this because of horses:

There are a lot of things in this world that get me really really excited. Unfortunately nobody I hang out with wants to hear me talk about how much I want to roll around in piles of puppies all day long (which is my ideal topic of conversation in any given situation). I decided to bypass this most unfair of twists in my social life by making it a thing that I’ll blog about.

The first topic is one that is dear to my stomach, veggies!

I’ve been eating veggies like a veggie fiend recently. I am not a vegetarian, i LOVE meat, but veggies are glorious and underrepresented in our society! I want someone to be constantly shoving fruits and veggies into my face everywhere I go. I want to be able to reach out my hand from any spot that I am standing, and suddenly find a plate of grilled zucchini slices in it. I want to open my mouth and be fed bits of apple by a sexy cowboy. THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT I WANT AND I THINK THEY ARE REASONABLE.

Fun Fact: (and i literally JUST FOUND OUT five minutes ago thanks to this podcast i was listening to as i drew) Fruit is a subcategory of vegetables!!!

So in order to spread the veggie wealth, I drew up this simple and delicious Russian Recipe for you. (Disclaimer: I am not Russian, I am SOVIET) Now, I’m not sure whether there is a correct recipe for this, all I know is that this is how my mother’s been making it since I was a kid. It is called Ikra – which is technically the term used for caviar in Russian, so perhaps the original recipe calls for caviar? I’m not sure, I don’t use it, mine is all veggie all the time.

It’s essentially a salad/spread/dip, in my opinion it tastes best spread on a slice of toasty wholesome bread. If you want to be extra soviet, make it the darkest pumpernickel you can find.

Furthermore, I don’t have any specific measurements, you just sort of throw things in according to preference and according to size of eggplant. For example I fucking LOVE garlic, I think it’s the best thing to ever spawn from the womb of planet Earth, so I put like an entire head of garlic (not true) in there. You may not like garlic very much and will only put one small clove.

I recommend for you to make it a few times and experiment. It is delicious and a little bit spicy and zesty and I love it! Let me know if you make it in the comments I am INTERESTED.

So to wrap up this post, my buddy John Gallino wanted me to start blogging about Things to Talk to Ladies About, so here is a

Does the deliciousness of meat outweigh its largely negative environmental impact, and do you think it’s worth it to pay extra for local organic food? What if you REALLY HATE your local farmer and he is a jerk? What if your local farmers only farm things like bison and ostriches? Did you know there is an ostrich farm in New Jersey? LET’S GO THERE!

Do Characters count as world building? They must because without them the world is no fun to read about!

In order to try to stay more or less consistent throughout the story I’ve sketched up a few simple character sheets for four of the main characters! I’ll identify them vaguely beneath each drawing but I won’t go into much detail to avoid spoilers.

Mwfanwy is a Welsh ghost. Here is a song about alternate-spelling-Myfanwy so that you can pick the name out and figure out how it’s pronounced. Also it will give you something pretty to listen to as you scroll through the rest of this post!

Iphis, a Satyr whose elderly parents own a vinyard in the outskirts of Edessa. Fun Fact: Iphis is named after a character from Ovid’s Metamorphoses. I am ashamed to say I didn’t bother looking up how to draw goat legs until I started drawing this specific picture of Iphis. I know it’s kind of dumb – just toally ignore the entire Eurydice picture that I’ve posted below, his legs are hideous and deformed and no one can walk on them not even goats. Fear not, since then I’ve been drawing millions of goat legs as practice.

Lida is the owner of a bakery in the human city to which the two Satyrs escape, and is nice enough to take them in despite already having a bakery and a kid to look after. Now she has three kids. (because a baby goat is called a kid!!! you are learning so many new things!)

Eurydice (or Dice) lived most of his life on the shores of Edessa, helping his parents fish, usually relegated to the task of hauling fish to the outer ring to sell to farmers and those who lived farther away from the center of town. He is named after Orpheus’s tragic nymph of a girlfriend. Oh geez just totally ignore his legs don’t even look at this drawing in fact, close your eyes, listen to Mwfanwy’s song.

So boyfriend and I were smooching and then he tried to smooch my eyeball with his eyeball and this happened it was really gross it took me like two hours to get back into my skull because I’m super grossed out by touching eyeballs UGH YUCK REALLY SO GROSS COME ON WHY CAN’T EYEBALLS BE LESS GROSS.

Once I touched a frog’s eyeball and it was like a tiny hard frog marble.

After I got my face readjusted I drew some things and drank wine like a fancy businesslady while he played a video game where a bunch of guys battle another bunch of guys in a fictional land.*

*plot line to every video game ever created

So I’ve been thinking a lot about my comics and the way that I will eventually end up drawing them. Over the past few months I’ve been doodling my little satyr buddies in all sorts of different ways in an attempt to become comfortable with one style of drawing or another, but I think I’ve been overthinking it.

I CAN’T DECIDE. Lines, no lines, sketchy, clean, color, black n white, aguuhh. So I think I’m just going to take a week or two to clean up some of my plotting and writing and start actually drawing it and find something that I’m the most comfortable with along the way. So Alter will be up again within the month. Whoopie!